The first thing that must be done is to define, What type of creature is a Politician? It should be noted that there is no such thing as a “career” politician, since career is one of the motivations that sets this creature on its course. It should also be noted that a politician is not human, but rather a sub-species that we shall refer to as homo-politicus, henceforth, political man. The true nature of homo-politicus will be discussed in greater depth in a future essay. This essay will stay focused on the habits of homo-politicus and the great need to eradicate this genus from the political process. The absolute necessity to replace homo-politicus with the Statesman/Citizen Representative is quite obvious. The time is now to render homo-politcus extinct, here in the 8th District, and all across this great nation.
- LYING – Be proactive,
takeshift responsibility, do not be accountable for any of your misdeeds, falsehoods, half-truths, misrepresentations, scandalous behavior and outright deceptions. Have a cadre of patsies who you have absolutely no loyalty to available to throw under the bus at a moments notice, have several more with undying loyalty to you, willing to throw themselves under the bus at your beck and call.
- BE A CHAMELEON – Begin with your end in mind and ruthlessly pursue that brass ring no matter who gets hurt along the way. Claim the high moral ground and take whatever steps are necessary to achieve your ends(they do justify the means, you know) Constantly tout your upright character (or pay your minions to do so) while you negotiate back-room deals with political adversaries and party hacks, take illicit donations and pander to special interests. As long as you “appear” principled you are on your way to political office.
- PRIORITIZE – Plan, plot, scheme, conspire, connive, maneuver, design, formulate, stratagem, you get the point.
- CREATE THE ‘WIN-WIN’ PARADIGM – Make it look like voting for you will benefit everyone, secretly knowing it is all about you. Demand altruism from everyone, and pat yourself on the back for all the ‘good’ you are doing for those stupid, ignorant, helpless bastards. Make great compromises when it is to your favor and castigate your opponents for not doing enough for ‘the little guy’. Create a benevolent aura around yourself, so no-one dare challenge your true intentions.
LISTENELUDE TO LISTENING – To different opinions, then force your ideas, programs, agenda on to everyone.(See Habit #4)
- SYNERGY – Promote coalitions of like minded organizations, create an illusion of all inclusiveness. Hold your inner circle of sycophants close, rule them with an iron fist and let them know any deviation from the course of action will result in severe acts of reprisal against any insubordination.
- ‘PLAY UP’ YOUR PUBLIC SERVICE – Propagate a history of ‘public’ service(altruism), regardless of your background. Wrap yourself in the flag, carry the cross, feed the homeless, bathe the lepers, paint Mother Theresa as a selfish, self-centered egoist compared to you(have your minions do the same) and seek new recruits, donors, contributors, fresh meat for your campaign.
These were the 7 Highly Effective Habits of Homo-Politicus, now that they have been made public their effectiveness should be greatly reduced, be ever vigilant patriots, we are moving into another phase of an age old struggle.